Come On, Donald Trump
Where’s Our $2,000 From the Tariff Fairy?
🧾 The Question
I keep hearing about this magnificent river of tariff revenue.
Big. Beautiful. Pouring in from the ports like champagne at a donor brunch.
So I have a small, neighborly question.
Where is it?
Because if the government is collecting all this money on my behalf, on our behalf, from mysterious foreign pockets that apparently never run dry, then one would expect… a return receipt.
A dividend.
A rebate.
A modest thank-you note tucked into the mailbox with the electric bill.
Instead, I’m still paying income tax.
Which feels a bit like being told, “Good news! We found oil in your backyard,” followed immediately by, “Now hand over your lunch money.”
🧮 The Tariff Fairy’s Math Problem
Let me see if I understand the story as it’s been told:
• Tariffs bring in enormous sums
• Foreign countries pay them (somehow, emotionally)
• Americans benefit
• Everyone wins
• Please stop asking questions
Marvelous.
So here’s my counterproposal, offered in the spirit of civic curiosity and mild arithmetic:
If tariffs are paying for everything, then why am I still paying income tax?
Pick a lane.
Either this is a national bake sale where we all still chip in,
or it’s a magic show where the rabbit does the dishes and pays the rent.
Right now it feels like both, which is not economics. It’s theater.
🇺🇸 A Simple American Thought Experiment
Let’s pretend, just for sport, that the tariff revenue is real money.
Not vibes.
Not leverage.
Actual dollars.
In that case, I’d like one of two things:
Option A:
Send every American a check.
Call it the “You Were Promised This” Dividend.
Frame it in gold. I’ll wait.
Option B:
Stop taxing my paycheck.
All of it.
Let the tariffs carry the load like they were advertised to do.
I am flexible.
I am reasonable.
I own stamps.
🛒 The Consumer Formerly Known as a Citizen
What bothers me isn’t even the math. It’s the posture.
Somewhere along the way, we stopped being citizens and became consumers with patriotic duties.
We are told to absorb higher prices quietly,
clap for the revenue,
and admire the strongman’s spreadsheet from a respectful distance.
Don’t worry, it’s working for you.
You just don’t get to see it.
Or touch it.
Or benefit from it directly.
That’s not policy.
That’s a timeshare presentation.
📚 Closing Ledger Entry
So yes. I’m still waiting.
For the $2,000.
For the tax break.
For the moment when the math steps out from behind the curtain and takes a bow.
Until then, I’ll be over here doing what Americans do best:
Paying twice,
being told it’s a gift,
and asking politely where the receipt went.
✒️🧾🧭