🕊️ Congratulations to the Benevolent Dictator

In which satire surrenders and gives the man his medal.

I. The Confession of a Skeptical Citizen

💭 Well, God damn.
He actually did it.

Against all odds, media spin, and basic laws of psychology, Donald J. Trump — the gilded ghost of Fifth Avenue — somehow initiated peace between Israel and Gaza. I can’t believe I’m writing this, but here we are. He deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. Just give it to him for God’s sake. The man earned it.

🔥 Now don’t get me wrong — I’ve always liked the man, in the same way you like a lightning storm: thrilling, dangerous, and best admired from a distance. My job — as an American citizen and unpaid therapist of democracy — is to keep his feet to the fire so he doesn’t lose his mind. Because, as we all know, power corrupts, and absolute power decorates itself in gold leaf.

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II. The Dictator Dilemma

⚖️ History’s full of strongmen who started out as saints.
Hitler (I think) built the autobahn before he burned the world.
Mussolini made the trains run on time before he strung himself up.
Even Caesar threw one hell of a party before the knives came out.

👁️‍🗨️ So yes, I give Trump his props — but I’m watching with one eye open. All authoritarians start out great; then they go crazy. I’m just hoping, perhaps naïvely, for the Swiss version of dictatorship — all control, no bloodshed, and free chocolate at the border.

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III. The Opposition in Disarray

🌀 Meanwhile, the Democrats have misplaced both their moral compass and their car keys. They’ve turned outrage into a lifestyle brand and empathy into a hashtag.

💊 Do they even have a fight left? Are the Republicans — of all people — now the ones trying to save healthcare through pharmaceuticals? What about WIC, Medicaid, and Medi-Cal? Who’s defending those?
Somewhere between red and blue, the public good has gone missing, presumed privatized.

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IV. The Reluctant Praise

🕯️ So yes, Mr. Trump, I have to give you your props.
Nobody’s done this — not since Gandhi, or maybe even Genghis, depending on your spin.

💰 You did the impossible: you made peace profitable. You made the unthinkable real.
And for that, begrudgingly, I salute you.

🪶 But I’ll still be here — notebook in hand, eyebrow raised — watching you with one eye open and the other trained on history’s repeat button.