🇺🇸Real Americans™ Study Guide
A Survival Guide for the Constitutionally Challenged
👋 Welcome, Fellow Real Americans™
Some people choose America.
The rest of us… well… happened here.
Legal immigrants must study their way into this country — literally.
They undergo interviews, tests, background checks, and read the Constitution like it’s their new religion.
Meanwhile, some of us are just now discovering the Constitution has more than one page.
This is a study guide for all of us still learning…
especially the ones who were certain “due process” was a TikTok trend.
🧭 Lesson 1: Immigration
The Citizenship Exam
The irony practically writes itself:
Immigrants earn the Constitution
Real Americans™ guess what it says
The Constitution wants a transfer request
If democracy were a classroom, the new Americans are the ones
actually turning in their homework.
Meanwhile, some of us are copying the heading incorrectly:
BILLO RIGHTS
— Real American™ attempt #47
Let’s do better.
Or at least start reading the book before yelling about it.
📚 A Brief Study Guide for Real Americans™
(Still asking how many amendments fit in a Big Gulp)
✅ Immigrant: “Checks and balances keep each branch in its lane.”
❌ Real American™: “Checks? Balances? That’s Applebee’s job.”
✅ Immigrant: Knows the three branches.
❌ Real American™: “Is one of them… ranch?”
✅ Immigrant: Swears to defend the Constitution.
❌ Real American™: Swears at the Constitution when it disagrees with them.
But look — we’re trying.
We even brought a pencil… eventually.
📜 The Constitution Speaks: A Hostage Statement
Hello.
It’s me — the Constitution.
America’s least-read bestseller.
Legal immigrants:
✔️ Highlight me
✔️ Study me
✔️ Recite me proudly
Real Americans™ (including our lovely narrator):
📌 Please read me before yelling about me
📌 I’m only four pages long
📌 Stop quoting movies at me
Signed,
Your Founding Document
Still waiting for office supplies that are not fireworks
🎤 Final Exam
If you can locate the three branches of government without a treasure map…
you’re already ahead of most pundits.
Legal immigrants earned their rights through knowledge.
We inherited ours through accident.
Let’s prove we deserve them.
Let’s learn something.
Together.
🏛️ Subscribe — no civics test required
(But we might quiz each other on the First Amendment later.)