📺 🚨 VENEZUELA: BREAKING — FREEDOM HAS GONE ROGUE
🗓️ January 4–5, 2026 📍 Caracas (formerly sovereign) | New York (now apparently sovereign)
📰 This Just In — Democracy Has Been Deployed
This weekend, democracy was deployed to Venezuela with all the subtlety of a marching band falling through a skylight.
President Nicolás Maduro was removed from office during what officials insist was a routine law enforcement matter, defined here as “whatever we needed it to be five minutes ago.”
By Monday morning, Maduro was no longer president, no longer in Venezuela, and no longer confused about where he was. He was in New York, a place America uses when it needs to prove a point loudly and in English.
Authorities confirm this was all very normal.
📡 Breaking — Jurisdiction Has Been Updated
Officials wish to clarify:
This was not a coup.
This was not an invasion.
This was not regime change.
This was law enforcement, which now includes:
Foreign heads of state
Aircraft
Nighttime choreography
And a moral PowerPoint with clip art eagles
The important thing is tone.
When spoken calmly, anything is legal.
America may not agree on healthcare, elections, or whether birds are real, but it remains united on one sacred belief:
🦅 If we can reach it, it’s probably ours to fix.
🏛️ Developing — Government Reboots Successfully
With the presidency suddenly converted into carry-on luggage, Venezuela’s National Assembly sprang into action.
Delcy Rodríguez was sworn in as interim president in a ceremony best described as “very fast” and “please clap.”
The desk stayed.
The flags stayed.
The talking points were lightly reheated.
Viewers were assured this represented stability, a word meaning “everything is under control if you stop asking questions.”
📍 Correction — The Part That Didn’t Fit the Graphic
Then came the update that did not test well with focus groups.
Cuba announced that more than thirty of its officers were killed during the operation.
At this point, the story briefly stopped being about justice, narcotics, or liberation and became about something much harder to narrate: bodies.
This segment aired quietly.
Without music.
And with a noticeable lack of eagles.
Because nothing disrupts a clean narrative like consequences.
🌍 On Background — The World Reacts in Unison, Sort Of
Global reaction followed the established choreography:
Supporters called it decisive leadership.
Critics used the word “sovereignty” until it lost all meaning.
International institutions called emergency meetings to discuss how upset they were after everything had already happened.
Panels assembled.
Maps were gestured at with confidence.
Words like “precedent” were used without explanation.
Everyone agreed this would set a precedent, which is Latin for “good luck later.”
🧍 Filed from Reality — Meanwhile, People Exist
Inside Venezuela, civilians did what civilians always do when global powers start improv night.
They waited.
They whispered.
They stood in lines.
They learned new definitions of words like law, order, and international.
Some cheered.
Some hid.
Most just tried to get through Monday.
Empires make entrances.
Nations clean up afterward.
📰 Final Dispatch
The operation has concluded.
Freedom has exited the premises.
The explanation is still in post-production.
Sovereignty is currently listed as missing but presumed inconvenient.
Jurisdiction remains expandable.
Accountability will be addressed in a future season.
This has been a breaking update.
Please stand by for the sequel.
🧭 Transmission ends. America salutes itself.
📺 NEXT UP — THE FREEDOM QUEUE
Cuba
Close by. Familiar. Ideologically nostalgic. Already cast as the understudy.
Notes read: “Strong opening. Short travel time.”Mexico
Complex. Sensitive. Heavily advertised.
Notes read: “Cartels, borders, confidence.”Iceland
Peaceful. Chilly. Strategically adorable.
Notes read: “Rare earth vibes. Shipping lanes. Very cooperative rocks.”Colombia
A crossover episode already in syndication.
Notes read: “Audience thinks they know this one.”Iran
Long-running series. Multiple seasons. Loyal fan base of sanctions.
Notes read: “Careful. Big finale energy.”Greenland
Not a country. Still very interesting.
Notes read: “Ice. Minerals. No one asked.”
Order subject to change.
Justification will be added later.
Executives insist these are not targets.
They are topics.